Well, so much for writing at least two times a month! Unfortunately, in the intervening two months, I have been so caught up in Thanksgiving, work, illness, Christmas, and wedding planning that everything else has taken a back burner. Now, I don't claim to be any expert in matters of wedding planning or even on budgeting matters, but part of my goal with this blog was to document my own journey, and if someone else finds any of my experiences helpful, all the better. So, with my wedding just around the corner and nothing left to do now but wait, here are a few of my lessons learned in planning a low-stress, budget-friendly wedding. "To Thine Own Self Be True"In my opinion, the single most important thing to having a wedding without going into debt or having a nervous breakdown is to know what you really want. That might seem like a simple thing, but the when it comes to weddings, it seems like what we want can often get confused with what we think we need. In my case, I found it helped to make a list of all the things I thought I was supposed have or do, and then to do a bit of journaling about how I felt about each item on that list. For example, the idea of a large wedding made me super nervous since I don't like crowds and tend to be very shy and self-conscious. Thinking about a first dance made me break out in hives for the same reasons. Conversely, I knew that I really wanted a wedding that felt clean and elegant, and that I'd love to get married in the wintertime. We then talked about all these things as a couple to come up with a plan and budget that would work for us. Consider what you really want and what your priorities are within that. Maybe you're set on a specific location, but don't mind trimming costs on the dress, menu and decor. Maybe you have a dream dress in mind (more on that in a moment), but you would rather diy the decorations and food. Be honest with yourself and you might be surprised at how many areas you'd rather tone down a bit. Location, Location, LocationOne of the biggest budget busters I found in the course of wedding planning was the venue. One of the best things I stumbled across was the idea of an "all-inclusive" wedding. While some of the details will vary from place to place, in general this little gem has the venue, wedding planner, cake, flowers, food, decor, seating, and labor all rolled into one beautiful, low-stress package! In our case, we were even able to add a full photography package for a very reasonable fee. While the price tag is a little shocking at first, do your homework on how much each of those individual items costs and you will likely find it to be very reasonable. Even more than this, I was delighted that other than making a few decisions on preferences, all we had to do for our wedding day was show up! Do an internet search for "all-inclusive weddings" in your city or state and see what pops up. Other ideas:
"Don't Mess with the Dress!"The second biggest budget drain, as well as the source of more stress than I ever would have imagined, is the dress. It's so tempting to go overboard on a beautiful gown, but with just a little bit of perspective shift, you can have a gorgeous gown without going into debt. I tried the more traditional experience of going to a boutique and trying on countless gowns with my closest friends, but found that I did not enjoy it like I thought I would. If you truly feel like this is something you need to experience, by all means do go and take advantage of the opportunity to find out what styles you prefer and look best on you, but I encourage you to avoid the temptation to buy "the one" right off the bat. Instead, give yourself a little time to shop around and think outside of the box. Look for a bridal consignment shop in your area, where you can get the full dress experience at a fraction of the cost. Check regular thrift and consignment stores as well. I found that many - especially the more upscale locations - had an impressive selection of modern gowns (not the scary ones we all imagine when we think thrift shop wedding dress). In the end, when I came down to my top two dresses, one of them was a beautiful gown in a consignment shop selling for $19!! Finally, check around in smaller towns for a local formals store. I was lucky enough to find a dry cleaners that had a small formal shop on the side with both new and second-hand dresses, including wedding attire and accessories. And that's where I found my dress - an ivory strapless gown, with tasteful beading on the bodice, an a-line silhouette, detachable train, and the tags from the boutique still attached. While it originally sold for $700, I snagged it for just $90, and the shop owner offered to dry clean and press it for me free of charge! I later had sleeves added for modesty and a little warmth for a nominal fee. If you do end up needing any alterations done to your dress, avoid places that specialize in "wedding alterations" and look for a reputable dress maker or seamstress instead. You'll get a much better finished product in half the time for a fraction of the cost. When it's all said and done, I look and feel absolutely stunning in my dress and paid less than $200 for everything, including accessories and undergarments. No line of credit needed! Other ideas:
Invest in What Really MattersIt might seem strange to throw an additional expenditure into an already expensive endeavor in a post talking about ways to reduce cost, but this one is so worth it: premarital counseling. In talking with friends and acquaintances who are also in the wedding planning process, I'm shocked to learn that it is not uncommon to spend $10, $20, even $50+ THOUSAND dollars getting married. And yet, for all that expense, statistics tell us that marriages are ending at an unprecedented rate. But I'm a firm believer it doesn't have to be that way! Follow the old adage that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" and invest the time and money in premarital counseling. "Counseling" comes with a stigma that something must be wrong, but in reality, it's no different than going to the doctor for your annual physical. Most counselors will take you through a set list of topics that can create conflict for couples over the long-term, including family history, finances, sex, parenting philosophies, conflict resolution, and so forth. Although we have made it a point to communicate often and meaningfully with one another, we found that the counseling process brought up topics we had never even thought about. We feel so much closer as a couple as a result of that process, and felt even more confident of our decision to marry after it was over. If you're sold on the idea of premarital counseling but cost is an issue, I encourage you to look into it anyway. Many counselors offer discounts or scholarships for families with financial need. Be sure to check with your pastor or church office as well; they are a great source for referrals, and many times pastors will actually offer free or low-cost counseling as part of their ministry. Other ideas:
"I Do"The whole point of a wedding is to get married! Long after the cake has been eaten, the toasts have been made, the last picture has been snapped, and all the guests have gone home, there will be the two of you. While a wedding is a very special event and will hopefully provide you with many fond memories, it is only the beginning of your married life and the memories you will build together. If you've found the right one for you, than everything else is just frosting on the cake, so resist the urge to get caught up in the frenzy and choose not to stress.
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About Me"Planned Spontaneity" is an expression I came up with to describe my unique personality: I love schedules, organization, and all things planning ...yet there are times when I make a conscious decision to just go with the flow and see what happens. This is the documentation of my crazy journey - which may feature a 6-page agenda one minute, and the next I drop everything to give my walls a fresh new coat of paint. Archives
December 2016
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